How’s Your Sex Life? is a KCRW original podcast hosted by sex and dating coach Myisha Battle. Each Wednesday, Myisha answers questions from our audience and turns them into pro-tips for the bedroom and beyond.
When you’re in a long distance relationship, the time you actually spend together in person can feel like precious gold. You’re in the same time zone, you can touch each other, conversations flow, and you’re finally in sync.
But that can all fall by the wayside as soon as your partner hops on the plane back home. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one going through this.
Here’s the question a listener wrote in:
“I'm in a long distance lesbian relationship and I'm trying to keep things spicy and exciting, especially because it's often a month between our visits. We've sent some sexy videos back and forth, but I'm wondering if there's some other ways we can keep developing our sexual connection and deepening our intimacy while we're apart?”
Intimacy can be one of the hardest things to manage in a long distance relationship. Couples often feel like they’re not making progress in the relationship because phone calls, which tend to be scheduled, end up becoming check-ins. It’s just not the deep conversation that you would get if you were face-to-face with your partner.
This is where a couples app, like Paired, can come in handy. The app basically gives you and your partner a daily prompt to answer. This helps keep a line of communication open where you're not just checking in about your day, but you're talking to your partner about specific things, like how they feel about their relationship with their family. There’s also packs you can buy in-app to ask questions about sex and intimacy.
More: How's Your Sex Life Ep. 5: Let's Talk Libido
There's also a way to ask follow up questions through the app, so you don't necessarily have to transition this into your daily calls. These technological tools can feel really helpful and supportive, especially for those long periods of time in between visits.
Lastly, we’re all for sexy pics here, but sometimes when you get an erotic video or photo via text it can be kind of jarring. For some people, it can be really fun to have an unexpected sexual ping throughout their day, but for others it may feel safer or more titillating to reserve that for a different app.
Try creating a WhatsApp or Signal chat solely for those intimate photos. That way, when your partner sees that they have a message there, they can infer that it's something spicy. It gives them the chance to tend to it when they feel ready and lets them revel in the mystery of what that little present is before actually opening it. It’s also a fun way to tease each other and talk about the things you want to explore in the lead up to your next visit.
Explore more questions we’ve answered on How’s Your Sex Life?:
“How do I talk to my partner about what I like and need in order to reach orgasm?”
“Is it possible to have intimacy and sensuality in life without a committed relationship?”